A sardonic digital-play about addiction, delusion, and the performance art of friendship – with psychosis in an unexpected place.
By Nicola Ann Beykirch
ADMIT ONE
DATE: Immediately – 24/7
VENUE: Your Imagination right here via Amazon Kindle Edition
SEAT: Front Row to Your Own Discomfort
PRICE: £0.99
‘How many feet do you have in?’
INTRODUCTION
This isn’t a guidebook. It’s a play. Not on stage. Not yet. Only on Kindle. It may branch out. Depends how mad I feel. And others, of course.
No one recovers in a straight line here. There are no redemption arcs. No neat resolutions. No moral takeaways, unless you’re desperate to find one. In that case, watch a TED Talk. They wrap up by minute seventeen.
It began with a question best left off dinner tables:
What if the intervention is more deluded than the addict?
What followed was a sideways probe into enabling, performance, and psychosis – three things the British do with chilling grace. The South African? More direct, with all the subtlety of a stampede.
Addiction here is neither tragic nor profound. It is repetitive, unsexy, and often tedious. This isn’t Shakespeare. It’s dark satire – modern realism – mostly because the alternative would be unbearable.
You’ll meet characters who mean well. That doesn’t make them good. You’ll meet others who seem mad. That doesn’t make them wrong. Reality is unstable. Truth arrives late, asking the wrong questions – or the right ones with the wrong answers. Whatever your mindset allows.
The structure is loose. Time is porous. Logic drifts. This is intentional. Or at least deliberate.
If you find yourself disoriented, good. That means you’re paying attention.
If you see yourself in here, don’t panic. Someone else will too. You’re not the only one.
Welcome to the intervention.
Bring biscuits, popcorn, or both.
Remember: you always have a choice.
If this upsets you, walk away. Or close your eyes. Both.
Or leave me a review and explain how bad the offence is on a scale of one to ten.
Choices.
Always.
PERFORMANCE NOTES
When SHIRLEY stages an intervention for her friend FLO, the line between saviour and saved blurs. Is SHIRLEY helping FLO, or lost in her own twist of reality? In this psychological satire, reality folds like a Russian nesting doll – each layer revealing a more uncomfortable truth than the last.
INTERLUDE: AN INTERVIEW WITH QUIBBLE-FLINT
(Unbroadcast. Off-script. Still somehow happening.)
QUIBBLE-FLINT
Sublime. In summary, you’ve written a play about an intervention that may not be real, featuring characters who could be metaphors, repeating scenes that might be hallucinations, all spiralling around a woman trying to save someone who doesn’t want saving. Because she’s too mental to fix herself. Why?
NICOLA
Come on, Quibble-Flint. Look around you. Look at your circle. How many are addicted to something? How many need rescuing, then reject the help? How many admit enabling feels noble – even narcissistic?
It’s easier to be the helper than the helpless. But sometimes they’re the same. And no one talks about that.
Except me. Through plays. Through jokes. About casseroles.
RUNNING TIME
Approximately as long as an uncomfortable conversation about someone’s addiction problems – forever, yet never long enough.
EACH DIGITAL TICKET INCLUDES
- One (1) existential crisis
- Two (2) moments of uncomfortable self-recognition
- Three (3) chances to question if you’re a good friend or a good person
- Four (4) seconds wondering if you’re actually in a play right now
- Five (5) blurring moments between fiction and your own reality
WARNINGS
- Contains themes of addiction, mental health, and British passive-aggressive politeness
- May provoke sudden urges to call that friend you’ve been avoiding
- Side effects include questioning your own perception of reality
- Not recommended for those allergic to uncomfortable truths
- No refunds if you recognise yourself in the characters
DIGITAL DOWNLOAD AVAILABLE NOW
Amazon Kindle
Price: £0.99
If, at any point while reading you feel seen, called out, or personally attacked, that’s not in the script. That’s your conscience finally waking up.
You’ve read this far. You’re not just watching the intervention – you’re in it.
ABOUT THE CREATOR
Nicola Ann Beykirch | Inventor of Homo Sappy Quirks on Substack
Her other digital homes:
Writing Website: Nicola Ann Words
Art Website: Nicola Ann Art
Writing, Art & Adventure: Instagram @NicolaBeykirch
CREDENTIALS
- Accidental Playwright (Board-certified in Existential Crises)
- Reluctant Director of Other People’s Lives
- Professional Prop Manager for Emotional Baggage
- Chief Engineer of Awkward Silences
- Unlicensed Therapist for Fictional Characters
- Gold Medallist in Competitive Overthinking
- Certified Interpreter of Things People Didn’t Actually Say or Do
- Distinguished Professor of Unspoken Subtext
- Acclaimed Choreographer of Social Faux Pas
- Former Child (1978–2024), Amateur Adult (2024–Present)
- Official Custodian of Uncomfortable Truths
- Three-Time Winner of ‘Most Likely to Psychoanalyse a Cereal Box’
- Practitioner of Theatrical Malpractice (Uninsured)